3 Signs You’re A “Girlfriend” Before The Girlfriend

3 Signs You’re A “Girlfriend” Before The Girlfriend

For a few years after college, I labeled myself somewhat of a “Good Luck Chuck”. If you haven’t seen the movie, allow me to explain. I’ve been somewhat of a lucky charm for several guys that I’ve dated, meaning right after me they moved on to successful long-term relationships or engagements.

It goes a little something like this:

I’m seeing a great guy, things are amazing and I’m are starting to think along the lines of making it official. Yes, I was ready to put up that red rope and make myself a VIP experience for one special guy. 

But suddenly, he’s not ready for or looking for a relationship. Never mind the fact that I’ve been fulfilling all of the duties a girlfriend does, I’ve met his friends and/or family and we spend almost all of our free time together.

At some point, there’s a breakdown in communication and we drift apart. Fast forward a few weeks or a month and suddenly his status has been updated to In a Relationship.

Ladies, we’ve all been there and if you say you’ve never been in this position, then you’re lying. Face it – you were a stand-in until they found something they deemed “better” or someone that was “more worthy” of the girlfriend title. It happens to the best of us.

Honestly, this has happened to me quite a few times and while it is embarrassing to admit, I’ve learned a few things from being an unofficial stand-in or a “filler” before they find an actual girlfriend.

3 Signs You’re A “Girlfriend” Before The Girlfriend:

  1. They make promises for the future way too early: No girl wants to jump from guy to guy. By talking about future events or trips to go on, they are trying to lock you in by hinting that they are in for the long haul, with very little intention of actually following through.
  2. Commitment doesn’t ever come up: …Unless you bring it up, which will usually cause some sort of panicked reaction or argument. If it’s the right situation, you shouldn’t constantly be wondering how they feel or where you stand. Even if it’s early, you should still have some idea.
  3. It’s always on his terms: When you hang out, where you hang out, for how long you hang out – you get the picture. And because you’re so “flexible” and eager, most guys don’t see how unfair this is and can be surprised when you point it out.

Ladies, listen when a guy tells you he’s not looking for a relationship because what he’s actually saying is that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. 

How do you avoid becoming a stand-in or becoming a “Good Luck Chuck”? It’s simple:

  1. Be selfish with your time: Don’t cater to someone else’s schedule. Go to your weekly pilates class or blow him off to stay in to do a face mask with a glass of your favorite wine. Take care of yourself first.
  2. Don’t tolerate sketchy behavior: Is he taking hours to respond to a text or not making much of an effort to make plans? Ok cool, see ya – you definitely don’t have time for that.
  3. Make your intentions known from the beginning: No you’re not a booty call, no you won’t help with his laundry and yes you are looking for a genuine connection with someone. Lay it all out there so there is no miscommunication later on.

Have you ever been a stand-in?

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