10 Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist
A few years ago, I met a guy who I thought was perfect for me. He was attractive, liked a lot of the things I liked, and was really into me (so it seemed). In my eyes, the constant attention and how fast the relationship progressed was a surefire sign that we were meant to be.
So naturally, I was surprised when all of the compliments turned into criticism and when the affection turned into annoyance basically overnight.
I cried to my friends and family almost daily because I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong, why this person went from being so enamored with me to suddenly couldn’t stand the sight of me.
It wasn’t until after I was coldly dumped (over text by the way) that I learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
The traits for someone with Narcissistic Personalty Disorder are “… grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment.”
People with NPD run through these 3 stages in every romantic relationship: idealize, devalue, and discard. During the idealize stage, you are the love of their life, everything you do is amazing and every other girl before you was awful. Following this is the devalue stage, where they begin to criticize you with backhanded compliments or direct insults, while pulling away both physically and emotionally. Finally, the discard phase – where they breakup with you in the most cold, heartless way they can think of.
In most cases, before they even officially break up with you, they will have a new “supply” they have been grooming to take over the role of admirer. This new girl could be a Plain Jane or a Victoria’s Secret model, but ultimately, looks, status, etc. mean nothing. She will go through the exact same idealize, devalue, and discard phase that everyone goes through with a person with NPD.
Because of this relationship and all of the research I did after, I’m able to identify these traits in men I’ve met or started dating and made my getaways a lot cleaner and much easier. Here are 10 signs you may be dating a narcissist:
- They don’t feel empathy: They don’t understand the feelings of others, nor do they have any desire to try. It’s all about how they feel or what benefits them, with no concern for how it will effect another person. After all, their feelings are the only ones that should matter.
- They lie… a lot: Almost everything out of their mouth is an exaggeration or a flat out lie. They lie to seem more interesting and admirable to others, as well as saying whatever they need to to get what they want. I had one guy flat out lie about what his job was, only to tell the truth when he was caught off guard when a friend of mine asked what he did.
- Living in a fantasy world is normal: To a narcissist, they have these grand fantasies of themselves and immerse themselves into a fantasy world instead of trying to better themselves in the real world. In their heads, they believe they deserve unlimited success, wealth and admiration without having to put in actual work to get there.
- It’s never their fault/never wrong: The blame always shifts onto someone else, they’ll never take responsibility for their actions and the word “sorry” isn’t in their vocabulary (unless they want something).
- They anger quickly: Call the narcissist out on something and watch how quickly it goes from a calm conversation to a full-blown tantrum.
- They have an addiction: Alcohol/drugs, sex, uncontrollable spending are the standard addictions that narcissists happily exist with. Remember that fantasy world I mentioned, one or more of these things will be a part of it.
- They have two faces: Narcissists will constantly criticize others behind their back and then turn on the charm when that person is around. If you notice the person you’re dating doing this, realize they are probably doing it to you when you aren’t around.
- Boundaries aren’t their thing: They get what they want, regardless of how it impacts someone else. They need constant attention and admiration to function. Narcissists will expect you to drop everything for them but would never even think of returning the favor. They will always come first.
- They target empaths: Narcissists are drawn to people who are empathetic and puts the well-being of others before themselves. This is why narcissists are so prevalent on dating apps. They have hundreds of women at their fingertips – all eager to “find the one”, eager to please and easily replaceable in their eyes.
- They gaslight you: Remember that time he insulted you? You shouldn’t because it didn’t happen. Narcissists are notorious for this emotional abuse tactic. They will say hurtful things and when you react (like a normal, sane human being), they suddenly never said that and you misunderstood or misheard because you’re insecure, you don’t listen, … the list can go on and on. Continuous gas lighting causes you to doubt yourself, accept the blame that is dumped on you and ultimately effect your mental health as a whole.
Truthfully, I could go on and on about this topic because there are so many layers to it – hoovering, grey-rock, no contact, you name it.
If you’re currently in a relationship where you feel emotionally/physically exhausted all of the time, where you are constantly questioning every decision, and are always made to feel that you’re wrong (even when you know you are not), I encourage you to:
1) Get out of this relationship IMMEDIATELY and don’t look back. People with this type of disorder DO NOT get better and if they do, it’s after YEARS and YEARS of therapy.
2) Do some digging when it comes to this topic so you can avoid falling for this type over and over again.
Take time to get to know yourself, LOVE YOURSELF, and respect yourself so you don’t fall prey to these types of people. Nothing will send a narcissist running faster than a woman who’s willing stand up for herself.
Have you ever dated a narcissist?
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This post is based on my personal experience and research.