When You Didn’t Realize His Name Was Casper: Ghosting 101
I swear, I can’t keep up with all of the abbreviations and code names for the different stages of dating these days. From DTR (define the relationship) to zombies (men who “ghost” and then reappear later on), every week Elite Daily is promoting a new article that has you questioning where you stand in a relationship, even if you’re not officially in one!
However, “ghosting” has to be one of my favorite and most used terms this year. According to Urban Dictionary, ghosting is “…the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just ‘get the hint’ and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.”
Signs You’re Being Ghosted:
- He’s slow to respond: I’m talking like sending a three to four word response HOURS later when he’d previously been super fast at responding.
- Hesitant to make plans: You shouldn’t have to work extra hard to convince him to grab a drink or dinner. If he’s always saying he’s busy or giving you the “let me check my calendar” run around, then he’s hoping you’ll give up and stop asking.
- Cancels plans frequently or at the last minute: No one has that many personal emergencies.
- Updates his dating app: I’ve experienced this firsthand. Minutes after he texted me saying “Thanks for a fun day, let’s do it again sometime”, homeboy uploaded three new pictures and a fresh bio!
Guys, I’ll be totally honest. I’ve ghosted plenty of guys before it had a name, thinking I was sparing their feelings by claiming I was just “so busy” instead of flat out telling them that there was no spark, just a dull match that would not light no matter how many times it was struck. And I never really saw a problem with this cowardly act… until it happened to me. And it sucked, it really sucked.
It left me questioning what was wrong with me and feeling like there was something I did or said that deemed me as unlikable, unworthy of a follow-up text or a second date. Was it the outfit? Should I have worn a smaller heel? I mean, his profile said 5’10”. Maybe it was the fact that I inhaled that cheeseburger like my life depended on it. Either way, it’s amazing how crazy you can drive yourself when focusing on the tiniest, most insignificant details.
But once the initial haze lifted, I realized maybe it wasn’t something I did or said. Maybe that person thought they were actually doing me a favor like I had in the past and wanted to spare my feelings. Or maybe they realized after meeting me that it wasn’t my first rodeo and a few compliments and a flashy car weren’t going to get my clothes off. Either way, did I really want to start off a potential relationship with someone who couldn’t be an adult and honest about their feelings from the get-go? Or wasn’t really interested in taking the time getting to know me for the person I am before writing me off completely?
The next time a guy ghosts you, consider it a gift, mentally thank them, and keep it moving. They’re saving you from wasting your precious time with a person who didn’t have your best interests at heart. Just because one man doesn’t like you does not mean that no man will. You are still just as likable and worthy of a good, healthy relationship as you were before you went on that date. So, in conclusion ladies, tell that boy “BYE” and make it a point to only entertain men who won’t disappear into thin air at the hint of an uncomfortable conversation.